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How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk, by Adele Faber
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From the Back Cover
The renowned #1 New York Times bestselling authors share their advice and expertise with parents and teens in this accessible, indispensable guide to surviving adolescence.Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish transformed parenting with their breakthrough, bestselling books Siblings Without Rivalry and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. Now, they return with this essential guide that tackles the tough issues teens and parents face today.Filled with straightforward advice and written in their trademark, down-to-earth style sure to appeal to both parents and teens, this all-new volume offers both innovative, easy-to-implement suggestions and proven techniques to build the foundation for lasting relationships. From curfews and cliques to sex and drugs, it gives parents the tools to help their children safely navigate the often stormy years of adolescence.
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About the Author
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are internationally acclaimed, award-winning experts on adult-child communication. Both lecture nationwide, and their group workshop programs are used by thousands of groups throughout the world to improve communication between children and adults.
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Product details
Paperback: 203 pages
Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks; Reprint edition (August 22, 2006)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0060741260
ISBN-13: 978-0060741266
Product Dimensions:
6 x 0.6 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
1,695 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#5,545 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This book works. It's hard to believe but if you read each chapter and do the exercises (for practice) and then try it out on your kids (or in my case, my kindergarten aged niece) -- it actually works! Here's an example: my niece was having a WWIII type of tantrum one day because her candy cane had broken in half. (It was Christmas time.) Her parents, older sister, grandma, everyone was telling her that it was no big deal, she can have another candy cane, it will still taste just the same, etc., anything to get her to see reason and calm down. It only made her fit worse. Things escalated. Her mother started shouting threats to send her to her room. Then - I tried something that I had read in the book: Let the child have the feelings she's feeling and let her know that she's having those feelings. So, I went over to her and said -- just like one of the book's exercises: "It's terrible. Your candy cane broke, and now it's not a perfect candy cane anymore. Even though it will taste the same, it's not a candy CANE anymore. I can see how upsetting it is, because it's not the perfect candy cane that it used to be."And boom - she completely calmed down. She sat next to me without saying anything, but I could tell, she was finally feeling what she was feeling -- rather than being upset and fighting to claim her right to feel what she was feeling, if that makes sense. And that was that. She stopped being upset and ate her broken candy cane.There are so many other examples like this -- the 'one word' tip, the 'describe it/don't tell them what to do' tip, the 'write a wish list together' tip... I could go on. They really work!
I have a 15 year old daughter and while there are no major problems and we communicate very openly and honestly about everything, there are still moments where I feel that either I am treating things the right way or she is being rude. I bought the book hoping that it would greatly improve our already good rapport. This book is probably very helpful for parents who do not have an open line of communication with their teens, parents who are either too strict or too lenient or too afraid to have honest conversations with their kids. I did not find the book personally to be very helpful because my daughter has the maturity of a 25 year old and will laugh at some of the most of the tricks and tips described in this book. However, this did not turn out to be a complete waste because I started using some of the techniques with my spoiled little bratty 7 year old and it worked! An example: one evening he was majorly pissed because he could not get home in time to watch his TV show. So instead of trying to calm him down in a traditional way by telling him that it was not a huge deal, I used the fantasy strategy from the book and said "Wouldn't you wish the car could just fly and we would be home in a second?" Right away, his tears stopped and he said "Yeah, and I also wish that you could always go back and see the missed parts of your shows" to which I said "You know, someone thought about that and invented DVR, we don't have it at our house, but we can look into it, OK?" At that point, he was all smiles. One very important point I learned from the book, as parents, we tend to often disregard our kids feelings about what we perceive to be minor things such as missing a show, but to kids, these things are major. We can't expect them to yet understand that such small problem is nothing compared to major bad stuff that happens in the world.
Every parent needs this book. This book is really great. At first it can seem really ....well... cheesy. But when you actually apply the methods.... man oh man is it cool. It feels really great to be able to talk to my kids without yelling. Also they can talk to me much easier. Even with my younger guy (3yrs old) I have been able to acknowledge his feelings when he is going off of the “deep-end†and calm him down. Usually it would be me yelling at him to “chill out! You don’t have to freak out!! Calm down!†blah blah blah the usual parenting rants. Not only do you NOT need to yell, you barely need to talk. Just listen and acknowledge and stay CALM. They do the rest. It’s magical!!! Highly recommend this book to parents with kids any age.
LOVE! I am a teacher, not a parent (yet) and this book applies to all of the wonderful kids in my life. I love the exercises and the variety of examples. Highly recommend for teachers or parents!
Best parenting book I've read (out of about 30). I recommend this to anyone who spends lots of time with children or other people. I read a lot of parenting books (I love to read, and I love books, and I'm a parent of twin toddlers. I'm also a pediatrician). Often others (husband, friends) want to know about them without having to actually take the time to read them. This book is perfect for that. It has great summaries, many specific examples, and the pictures (comics) are actual examples that summarize the key points. The book can be enjoyed on my levels, but the one the authors intend -- taking a week or two to practice the techniques in each chapter-- has worked very well for my family. This book is about mindfulness, and walks you through listening to yourself first and then being ready to hear others. Once you have seen constructive ways to respond to your own inner voice, you become empowered to listen to others. And by modeling a constructive way to respond to negative thoughts and actions, you become the teacher. Faber and Mazlish have really done it right here. This book is gold!
Incredibly helpful book! This has helped a lot in finding a good communication channel with my 4 year old son. The constant battles of "But I don't want to" "I want to do this instead" are now easily handled. I really enjoy having the skills explained in my "parent toolbox". As recommended, I wrote them out and put them on the fridge for quicker references for those "on the spot" moments. Highly recommended if you have a child that wont' listen to you, ignores you or you otherwise experience parenting issues rooted in communication and listening with your child.
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